HICK HOP (From Faster Than The Speed Of Suck)

deer at the salt lick
pocket watch tickin'
chickens runnin' in the street while I stoop to get a cool drink
bubblin' from the well, hell
howdy there stranger from around these parts
got yer car parked over in my pasture you bastard
move that sucker before I tow it with my pick-em-up
stick-em-up
nobody move unless they wanna eat lead
i'll drill you a new one dead to rights baby
better off cruisin' to the honkey tonk
hotter than the cement
insurance rattling in my glove box
44 colt burnin' smith and wesson oil
sold to the carpet baggers
hotter than a junkyard monkey butter's churnin' and turnin'
like the motor in my vehicle trucking down the road
see ya

I said hi ho Silver and whoa Trigger
Next thing ya' know ol' Jed's a millionaire
C'mon back and talk to Teddy Bear

i got my pedal to the metal
on the floor of my 4 wheel drive
i'm slidin' down the highway cranking up the george jones
you know the race is on
and i'm passin' on the right down over by the theater
crater in my heart gonna call me an ambulance
don't forget to shake your booty while you're dancin' the 2 step
c'mon and gimme three steps
hey play some skynard, man
i'll cut me a switch 'cause I'm comin' unhitched
i don't give a damn 'cause my cracker ass is itchin'
and my trigger finger's twitchin'
so get your ass in the kitchen
and quit your yellin' about rebellion and cut me an onion a glass onion
'cause I'm about to go helter skelter
let me get my boots off and then we'll work on your rocks, sugar darlin'
'cause we're hotter than 2 rats fuckin' in a wool sock
10-4 little beaver
we're gonna back on out of here and get ourselves a barley pop
yee haw

(c) B.Y.G.U.M. 1997

ANTIFREEZE (from My Favorite Record)

I'll cut off my finger
So you can wear my ring
On a chain between a pair of handcuffs
I'll pull out the splinter
If you'll hitch up the mule
And lash my body to the Treaty Oak
In case of emergency
Break the glass that holds
My favorite alcoholic beverage
And we'll jump on the wagon
To get dropped off at the liquor store
In time to put our floaties on

And as I raise you to my lips
It's not the kiss that makes you feel
The bite of antifreeze

This party's a disease
Spreading like a fungus
Eating everything
Just like the Blob
We wanna talk of love
What the hell do we know?
Probably just a loose connection somewhere
I'll kiss you through the screen door
On a submarine
If you'll promise
You'll stop eating all the cat food
And we'll go lifting weights
Twelve ounces at a time
To find another designated driver

And Jesus Lizard's much too mellow
For my auntie
Sonic Jesus
And Sonic Youth is much too poppy
For my auntie
And auntie doesn't like
The Daniel Johnston songs
That we play around the house

And if these words don't seem to make
Any sense at all
Check the other album out
And if you need a place to crash
Come by the space
And we'll pull out the couch bed
Just for you
Won't you freeze me please

(c)B.Y.G.U.M. 1993

BEER (from Spanker Madness)

Speed is a drag
It's a big big drag
Set your mind on fire
Make your organs sag
Coke is a joke
Rather take a toke
Than be broken
And a-chokin'
With your brain cells
Smokin'
Trippin' on acid
Makes you flaccid
DMT too rich for me
Marijuana makes me wanna
Eat candy and eat Madonna
With her hair bleached by peroxide
Huffin' on some nitrous oxide

Well I tried 'em all
And it might sound queer
But my favorite drug
Is an ice cold beer
Beer
I get thrills from pills
And maybe chills
From Robitussin
And a bottle of NyQuil
XTC's ok with me
On airplane glue
You sneeze - achoo
Mohawk girl
With a needle in her neck
Nervous wreck
Gonna call collect
Nicotine is so obscene
Caffeine only makes me mean
Huffin' spray paint
Ain't so quaint
It gives you headaches
And makes you faint
Hash is a gas
Like a blast from the past
But trying to hunt it down
Is a pain in the ass

(c)B.Y.G.U.M. 1999


DROWNING AT THE OASIS (demo recorded)

Here we are gasping for breath
Just like a fish thrown on the sand
Pretentious fools that we are
Drowning at the oasis
The burden breaking our backs
Lighter that feathers on the wind
Running through our empty
Heads will roll up on the beach

We're acting cool
But that's another wall to be torn down
Kick me awake
So that I can sleep forever
I toss and turn all night
Is falling on my weary head
Without my mind if I go back to sleep

Out of my mind
And into trouble
Into your arms
And out of control

Without a sound
We go screaming
Running hand in handle
Against the wall paper
Flowers of romance
I close my eyes
So I can see the water
Covering the world
Is nothing but the pool
I'm sinking in

Out of my mind…

(c)B.Y.G.U.M. 1993



GENDER BLENDER (not recorded)

Chris and Tony were a couple of gals
They were lovers and they were pals
Lookin' for a little darlin'
To call their own
Tony said to Chris
I beg your pardon
If we're gonna do some planting
In your sweet garden
There's some planning to do
And a few seeds to be sewn

Well what about Leslie
Just down the block
He's a real nice guy
With a big ol' …car
And his life partner Carol's
Just as sweet as he can be
They said Hey Leslie
Can you help us out?
He said Just the other day
We were startin' to pout
About never havin'
Our own family

Now Leslie wore a size 13 shoe
And he wasn't quite sure
What to do
With both feet squarely
Out of the closet
But the lady at the bank said
We don't mind
If your numbers are up
Then love is blind
Come on down
And make a deposit

Well that's what he did
Make no mistake
With the help of science
And some shake and bake
On the ocean floor
An oyster makes a pearl
This all went down
In the month of June
And the very next March
Under a full moon
Chris gave birth
To a beautiful baby girl

Just a guy and a guy
And a girl and a girl
Lookin' for some answers
In a crazy world
A little gender blender
Ridin' that magical maybe
Just a woman and a woman
And a man and a man
And maybe some folks don't
Understand
But they knew it wouldn't
Make a difference
To the baby

Now Carol's makin' dinner
Tony's fixin' the car
Chris is singin' to her daughter
On her guitar
Leslie's sittin' at the potter's wheel
Up to his elbows in clay
Tony said Hey Carol
With all we've learned
I think it's time we took our turn
And wouldn't you know it
There's a little boy on the way

Just a guy and a guy
And a girl and a girl
Lookin' for some answers
In a crazy world
A little gender blender
Singin' with the katydids
Just a woman and a woman
And a man and a man
And maybe some folks don't
Understand
But they knew it wouldn't make
Any difference to the kids
Yeah, it didn't make a doggone
Difference to the kids

(c)B.Y.G.U.M. 2001
I wrote Gender Blender for Sarah Hickman. She asked me to write her a song about gay marriage and child rearing. It was an interesting challenge trying to write something funny about such a controversial subject. I don't think she ever did anything with the song.

SIREN SCREAM (demo recorded)

Call to cry a liar
Crawl to kick the can
Scrawl an open eye whole
Scalded by the morning slash but
Here we are just one eye open
Here we are alone at last
Here we are but we've forgotten
How to call each other
Past our own names

Should we knock off
After a while
Maybe a couple
Tall and cold
Teenage angst
Well it never paid off for me so good but
You're not the only one
Who's bored and old so
Here we are just one eye open
Here we are alone at last
Here we are but we've forgotten
How to call each other
Past our own names

A siren scream
I hear you
You mean it do ya
To hover
Over easy
Or to take the plunge

You had it all
Worked out for you
With not much more
To say
You never got my letter
Before the Hemmingway pull

(c)B.YG.U.M. 1993


WINGLESS ANGELS (from My Favorite Record)

I lost my virginity
While the preacher was downstairs
Chattin' with my mom
And I wasted my youth
On a girl named Ruth
And it don't make no difference to me

Now all you wingless angels
Get in line to take a stab at me
'cause I'm rollin' down the last six pack
And two A.M. brings finality

I was born in New York City
And beat up down in San Antone
And I wasted my time
Smokin' agriculture
In the back of my buddy's old Firebird

Now all you wingless angels
Start clocking yourselves
With the junebug of the times
'cause I'm staggerin' in to your pit stop
And I'm lined up
Down at your favorite bar

Crippled at the South Bank
I fulfilled the prophesy
But baptized in the waters of the Broken Spoke
When a yodeller named Walser
Pierced my soul

Now all you wingless angels
Stop trampin' 'round my back door
'cause I'm drownin' in a Bushmills dream
And I got a hot date
With the Holy Ghost

Now Jesus, he knew his price tag
Thirty pieces of silver hung on his hide
But that devil in your smile
Is so divine
I'll be Judassing your ass out for twenty-nine

Now all you wingless angels
Sanctify my ability to recognize
'cause I'm drunk off my ass
In Omaha
And I'm sleepin' on the bus
With a busted wing
Yeah, I'm passed out on the bus
With a busted wing

(c)B.Y.G.U.M. 2000